You thought you had a real connection, but then they vanish when you need them most. The digs, gossip, and shady behavior start making you question if it was all in your head. Well, enough is enough – it’s time to reclaim your power!
A well-placed roast can give you a satisfying release and expose their true colors once and for all. These zingers aren’t weapons for revenge, but tools to vent frustrations, share a laugh, or finally walk away from the toxic friendship for good.
So grab your iced coffee, get ready for some serious pettiness, and let’s get roasting!
40 Best Roasts to Expose Fake Friends?
These roasts are brutally honest ways to call out those who were never true friends to begin with. Some are hilariously clever put-downs, while others cut straight to the painful truth about their selfishness and betrayal.
Use these verbal jabs as you see fit – perhaps start mild to give them a wake-up call about their behavior. Or if they’ve crossed the line one too many times, hit them with one of the more scathing roasts and show you’re done playing their games.
1. “I thought you were just quiet, but I was wrong – you’re just boring.”
Ouch, this one stings! Use this if your fake friend is as dull as a butter knife and contributes zero substance to conversations or hangouts.
2. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just putting you on mute until you stop talking.”
The perfect clapback for that friend who just won’t shut up about themself or drama you couldn’t care less about. Mute button activated!
3. “You’re not fake; you’re just a really good actor.”
Drop this sarcastic gem when calling out their two-faced ways. Give them a round of applause for their Oscar-worthy performance as a decent human being.
4. “I’ve had smarter conversations with a brick wall.”
Let them know their small brain energy is too much with this savage roast. A brick probably has more intellectual depth, to be honest.
5. “I thought what we had was special until I realized you treat everyone like this.”
For the friend who goes through besties like toilet paper. Expose them for being a shady, flakey mess who can’t commit to anyone.
6. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
A classic clapback to shut down their nonsense in just a few words. Don’t even entertain the stupidity they’re trying to spread.
7. “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
Roast them for being a whole walking disaster by throwing some creative shade about their very existence. Oops, did I go too far? Nah.
8. “If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I’d get millions back in change.”
Let your fake friend know their mind is as empty as their bank account with this iconic money burn. Bet they can’t afford to come back from that one!
9. “I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.”
When they’re being a hot mess per usual, just stan the chaotic energy and move on. Fake friends live for creating unnecessary drama.
10. “You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
For the fake friend who has somehow convinced themselves they’re God’s gift to Earth despite having a peanut for a brain. Put their ego in check!
11. “I thought I was helping protect the village idiot, but there’s a whole damn tour group here.”
When you realize your friend circle is just a sad collection of fools and clowns. This burn puts their foolishness on blast.
12. “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.”
An over-the-top way to let your fake friend know their ability to string sentences together is just…not it. Do better!
13. “You’ll never be the biggest idiot, but you’d better keep practicing!”
Encourage them to keep working hard at being a certified airhead. Maybe one day they’ll finally achieve their dream of maximum stupidity.
14. “I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unfollow you in real life if I could.”
The perfect punchline for that friend who’s just super cringe and unlikeable. You’d mute them from your existence if it was possible!
15. “You’re fake笋 all over the place – might wanna pick that up.”
A fun way to call out their phony behavior! Replace the 💩 with your own emojis of choice to really get the point across.
16. “Can you make that same dumb face twice? I wasn’t done laughing yet.”
Ask for an encore when their ugly mugs and punchable expressions really send you into a fit of laughter. You’ve gotta savor the moment.
17. “I thought I had lost my mind, but it turns out you just failed to find yours.”
The perfect comeback for your friend who’s been driving you certifiably insane with their nonsense lately. And the award for most unhinged goes to…
18. “Your face makes me remember why Sharpies have erasers.”
Basically calling them so ugly, you should’ve been given an Undo option at birth. This one’s for the friend whose face just doesn’t sit right with you.
19. “I considered arguing with you, but then I realized I’m just breathtaking oxygen that trees could use better.”
Remind them of how insignificant and wasteful they are by bringing Mother Nature into this. A step too far? Maybe. But also maybe not!
20. “Two toddlers in a trench coat could do better than you right now.”
Let your fake friend know their skills, behavior, and general existence is that of a literal child. So cringe!
21. “Your insecurity is showing more than your personality.”
Expose their bad habit of overcompensating for zero confidence with even more obnoxious and performative behavior. Not a good look!
22. “I’d tell you to do some soul-searching, but you don’t have a soul.”
For the truly soulless fake friend who lacks any sense of empathy or depth. Just a shallow puddle of a person.
23. “If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid.”
Double their intelligence levels and they’d still be lacking some major brain cells. An extremely savage way to shut down their airs!
24. “No need to say anything, your face says it all.”
Roast them without roasting them! Just give them a once over and let your disgusted expression do all the talking.
25. “Your hairline is braver than any U.S. soldier.”
Drag their struggling edges for an extremely vicious hit. Not for the faint of heart – this one cuts deep!
26. “You’re proof that the human race really did descend from apes.”
Call them a throwback to our primate ancestors for an extra harsh clapback to really wound their ego. Don’t hold back!
27. “I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my own butt.”
A hilarious way to let your fake friend know their point of view is pure delusion and ignorance. Don’t strain yourself trying to see their skewed outlook!
28. “You’re so dumb, you got hit by a parked car.”
Visualize the level of their stupidity with this oddly specific scenario. Only a complete and total idiot could pull that off!
29. “Do you get paid to be this stupid or is it just a hobby for you?”
Either they’re naturally lacking brain cells, or they choose violence on purpose. Which is it? This question roast forces them to pick.
30. “I called MENSA to see if you qualified, but they said they don’t allow soup cans into their organization.”
Ooh, burn! Compare their hollow head to an empty soup can for an extremely harsh but iconic roast at their expense. No mercy!
31. “Maybe if you ate your makeup, you’d actually be pretty on the inside.”
This insult accuses your fake friend of being all surface-level looks with an ugly interior. Cutting words for some extra pettiness!
32. “I’m not saying you took the slow train to Dum-Dum Junction, but you definitely missed a couple of stops along the way.”
Cleverly implies they rode the struggle bus to Stupidville with this train metaphor burn. Mock their lack of smarts in a creative way!
33. “You are proof that God has an amazing sense of humor.”
Question their entire existence as some sort of cruel cosmic joke. How else could someone like them have been brought into this world?
34. “Our Friendship Is Like a Book – Too Bad It’s Fiction”
This one really stings by implying your friendship was never built on genuine trust, care, and authenticity. Rather, it sadly existed only as one big delusional fantasy or work of fiction.
35. “I asked God for a true friend, but I guess insanity runs in the family.”
This one is for the friend who’s been driving you crazy with their antics. Clearly, you both have skewed perspectives on what makes a good friend!
36. “Please form a single line behind me to receive a dope slap from the universe.”
Gather round, folks! It’s time to put your fake friends in their place and let the cosmos deliver a much-needed reality check.
37. “You have so many hickeys, that people will start thinking you’re dating a lollipop.”
Drag their appearance and make assumptions about their private life with this random but hilariously harsh insult. Just go for it!
38. “You’ll never be completely useless…you can always serve as a bad example.”
Let your former friends know they’ve been demoted to a cautionary tale on how not to act or who not to be. Harsh, but necessary.
39. “It’s impossible to underestimate your total lack of intelligence and decency.”
A scorching roast calling out their rudeness and stupidity on a cosmic scale. Don’t hold back on exposing their trashiness!
40. “I could slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
The ultimate dehumanizing diss! Compare their very existence to that of a dumb animal for one final explosive roast.
The Bottomline
Look, I get it – cutting fake friends out of your life can be so hard, even when they 100% deserve it. But at the end of the day, real friends don’t talk behind your back, use you for their own benefit, or put on an act around you. They lift you up and have your best interests at heart.
So don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and remove the toxic people from your inner circle. Use these roasts to give them a taste of their own medicine, but know when enough is enough too. Sometimes, the biggest power move is to just walk away and deprive them of any more of your energy.
Surround yourself with people who truly care about you and want you to win. Those are the real ones you should be investing your friendship in. As for the fakes? Let these roasts give you one final laugh at their expense before moving on to bigger and better things!
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